


and if you must die, die knowing your life was the best part of mine

by jilixcore



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: ? - Freeform, Alternate Universe - Royalty, Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Bang Chan & Lee Minho | Lee Know are Best Friends, Han Jisung | Han & Lee Felix are Siblings, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Hyunjin is mentioned, Jisung died okay, LMAO, M/M, Mafia AU, Mafia Bang Chan, Mafia Lee Minho, Prince Han Jisung | Han, Prince Lee Felix (Stray Kids), Side Chanlix, Song fic, The Fault in Our Stars References, chanlix ran away, cracks knuckles heres the tags, idk - Freeform, is this considered as a, is this considered as mafia au, jilix are twins, minsung centric, not beta read we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-18 11:20:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28617198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jilixcore/pseuds/jilixcore
Summary: “Han Jisung, what are you doing?” Minho asks, but obligingly begins leading the dance.“That’s Prince Han Jisung to you!” Jisung sticks out his tongue and Minho laughs, muttering a, “Yeah, that’s prince behavior, alright.”“Hush. You’re my servant, remember?” Jisung reminds him, twirling under Minho’s arm before placing his hands back to his shoulders.“May I remind you, I’m also your lover?” Minho meant to tease, but his heart almost leaps out of his chest as Jisung just smiles at him fondly, staring at him as if he hung the moon that was dancing across their skin.“I know.” Jisung leans on his tiptoe to peck his lips. “I’ll never forget it.”Or Minho and Chan were given the task to kill the princes, and Minho started to regret it.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Felix, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know
Comments: 12
Kudos: 70





	and if you must die, die knowing your life was the best part of mine

**Author's Note:**

> not beta we die like jisung in this fic LMAOOOO im projecting forgive me
> 
> listen, i heard love like you in steven universe and im like woah what a great song for regretting something and now here we are. i just realize it can be use for a breakup fic but my brain went "no why not they kill their prince lover instead" ??
> 
> i also have a huge writer's block so i hope this helps me get out of my slump too fast kimi ni awase matta kara boku wa mada ni koko ni iru yo  
> that was my adhd typing
> 
> scream at me on twitter (@LWTJILIX)

**_I always thought I might be bad_ **

**_Now I’m sure that it’s true, cause_ **

Minho releases a long sigh of a breath that he doesn’t realize he was holding as he catches a glimpse of Jisung on top of the stairs. He is smiling wide and waving at the guests which is a contrast to the glares and harsh whispers floating around. His eyes land to Minho and his grin widens, biting his lips to keep himself from giggling.

Minho smiles back as Jisung holds eye contact while going down the stairs. Jisung always complains about the etiquette of going down the stairs slowly and now Minho can understand what he means. Time seems to drag and he wants nothing more than for Jisung to be in his arms already.

(“It’s irritating, honestly!” Jisung exclaimed, voice rising an octave as he couldn’t do anything but voice out his frustrations seeing as his hands were currently occupied by his twin. “The stairs are _way_ too long. And they- they make us count -Count, for goodness sake!- before taking another step down. All the while we have to be smiling and waving at everybody.”

Felix giggled as he softly brushed away the stray nail polish at the side of Jisung’s nail. “For realsies! Who makes a single twenty step stairs?”

“ _‘For realsies’,_ Oh my God.” Minho heard Chan muttered beside him and Minho laughed, patting the flustered boy. He turned his head to Jisung and smiled at his pouting figure whose eyebrows were furrowed and bottom lip stuck out as he glared at the baby blue nail polish Felix was putting on.

“If it makes you feel better, we don’t thoroughly enjoy clapping a whole minute as we wait for both of you to come down. It’s awkward for both parties, you can say.”)

It indeed took a minute before Jisung finally takes his outstretched hand, guests already back to dancing and having conversations about things Minho wouldn’t understand. Minho bows and places an obnoxious kiss at the prince’s hand, smiling as he hears the all familiar giggle. Minho turns Jisung’s hand and places a lingering kiss on his palm before placing another one on his wrist.

He stands up and fixes his posture, seeing Jisung looking at him with so much warmth in his eyes and the big chandeliers making Jisung’s eyes glow more (he didn’t think that’s possible. Jisung flashed him his gummy smile and Minho’s chest tightened.)

Jisung has always been an entertaining kid. He’s all smiles that are so contagious and laughters you’d get on cold winter days. Han Jisung is a personified sunshine, the only light left to the whole darkness the former King and Queen bestowed upon the whole kingdom and the other neighboring kingdoms. Jisung responds to the cruel words thrown his way with a smile and a genuine apology on his lips. 

(People think that’s part of his training; to always have an apology prepared at your lips, even if you don’t mean it. Jisung always responds the same way every time he is being accused of something. An apologetic smile, and a just as genuine apology of, “I’m sorry, I’ll look into it.”

And he always does. Jisung fixes the problems he’s being thrown into with the snap of his fingers. And Minho wants to snap the necks of the dukes who purposely caused problems just to have something they can blame Jisung on.

People claim it’s all a bluff. That it was an automatic reply from Jisung, as if he’s a programmed robot made by his parents. What they don’t see is the regret swimming in Jisung’s eyes every time he goes to a meeting, only to be criticized on what he does, lacked, and blamed on the things he didn’t do.

They’ll never know. They’re not the ones who wipes Jisung’s tears every night. They don’t hear the instant sob Jisung lets out once the curtain is drawn and the inside of his carriage is draped in darkness.)

**_I think you’re so good_ **

**_And I’m nothing like you_ **

Minho tips his arm up to look at the watch perched on top of his wrist. 

**23:25**

Minho gulps and makes his way through the crowd, trying to find the prince among them. Knowing that Jisung’s presence is never welcomed, (despite this being _his_ party), he quietly sneaks into the darkened hallway on the left wing of the castle.

**23:26**

Just as he expected, Jisung is standing there, moonlight softly hitting his face from the big glass window on their right. Minho approaches him and Jisung smiles more, linking their fingers together as Minho looks at the portrait that Jisung is staring at.

It’s a portrait of the Han family. One that’s always been covered by a dark cloth and the one Minho hasn’t seen before. Jisung and Felix are probably not even ten in the picture. The King had a determined look in his eyes and a proud smile, arms resting on Jisung’s shoulder as Jisung smiles tight lipped, still almost as bright as his usual gummy one. The queen was sitting on a chair with Felix on her lap. Minho can see where Jisung’s kind eyes came from now. The queen was absolutely beautiful with freckles dotting on her cheeks that matched with the boy on her lap. Felix’s eyes were bright open, Minho could feel the warmth radiating off of him. The whole picture brings a warm feeling, and Minho looks beside him to see Jisung staring intently, though with the same kind eyes as his mother.

“They’re not always bad, you know?” Jisung suddenly says after minutes of silence, hand gripping Minho tightly. “They were never bad.”

“How so?” Minho whispers. He doesn’t have to, but he’s afraid he’ll break the peaceful atmosphere around them. His voice isn’t filled with anything but curiosity. 

“Well,” Jisung starts, clearing his throat when his voice breaks. “Do you know the plague that happened years ago in the next neighboring kingdoms? It broke out in the other kingdoms and even my mother caught it, but no one knows how it happened. No one knows the cure either so the borders in every kingdom were closed, except for when the three kings from each kingdom held a meeting, mainly because my father- the King, was also a doctor.”

“It got out of hand, and they were all blaming each other. One king blamed my father when he closed the border in our kingdom completely, the other blamed my mother that she was the one who started it, seeing as she’s the only one in our kingdom who has it.” Jisung scoffs, muttering, “Not our fault my father was just cautious and made the castle off limits to anyone so it wouldn’t spread. But the other kingdoms got suspicious and said my father was purposely hiding his knowledge about the cure so the other kingdoms will fall. Who knows kings can be so childish?”

Minho squeezes Jisung’s hands as Jisung laughs wetly, “My mother died soon after that but people are still blaming her, and they haven’t lived that down, even until today. Even though it’s been ten years already.” 

Jisung fills the silence with little sniffs, leaning into Minho’s hand as Minho wipes the tears yet again. “She-” Jisung gulps. “Mama was never contagious, hyung. _I’d_ know that. _I hugged her everyday until the day she left us._ ” 

Minho can feel his heart breaking along with Jisung’s voice, but he remains quiet. “But then it got out of hand and it even almost started a war. Father quickly shot down every connection we had to the other kingdoms. Then the fire happened.”

Minho frowns. “Wait, what fire?”

“This castle is not what I grew up in, well, most of it. Almost everything here was rebuilt. We lost mom to the illness and lost dad to the fire.” Jisung sighs, eyebrows furrowing. “You know what’s funny? Felix and I were accused of starting the fire, just because we happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

“ _What?_ ” Minho sputters. “Why would they? Who started that rumor?”

“King Park. He saw us outside the moment the castle burned. It was night and Felix and I had a secret hideout in the forest and we were staying there. We’re about to head home only to find out there’s nothing to go back to.”

Minho's eyes widen. “I thought the connections and borders are closed? Why is King Park there?”

“That’s one fact they overlooked.” Jisung laughs sarcastically.

“Hold on, wait, wait,” Minho tugs at the other’s arm, making Jisung look at him. “You’re basically framed. Why didn’t you tell anyone?”

“We did.” Silence. “But who would believe children? Let alone, the sons of someone who had a bad image?”

“I’m..” Minho looks into Jisung’s eyes, seeing nothing but sadness in it. He hugs the boy to his chest. “I’m sorry. You don’t deserve any of that.” Jisung’s eyes start stinging again and he finally breaks down his walls and sobs, hands clinging to Minho’s pristine suit as he wails.

**23:50**

Minho doesn’t know how many minutes it has been with just him rocking Jisung back and forth, kissing his forehead, and whispering words of affirmations in his ears until his crying stopped.

Jisung looked up from his place on Minho’s chest and sniffled before beaming at Minho, pecking his lips so lovingly. Jisung pulls back, but Minho holds him by the waist as he pulls Jisung’s lips back to him, pouring every emotion, gratitude, and love he has in the kiss. They part for air and Jisung smiles again, mumbling a ‘thank you’ against his lips and Minho’s chest hurt with how Jisung can still smile so bright after shouldering all this pain.

Jisung stands up straight and smooths Minho’s now wrinkled suit, before dragging him to walk along the quiet hallway. Pictures after pictures flashes before Minho as he watches Jisung grow up in them, smile varying but his bright eyes never dimming. He didn’t realize that Jisung stopped until he felt his chest colliding with Jisung’s back.

“Ji? What’s wrong-” And oh. Jisung was staring at yet another smaller portrait, this time not a painting but a picture and Minho remembers smiling behind Hyunjin as the gardener takes the picture. Felix was smiling with his crescent eyes, the sunlight was pouring down his face with his mouth wide open in a smile as his picture was taken mid-laugh, right as Hyunjin and Jisung was teasing him about the sunflower he stole in the garden that he was hugging next to his cheeks. 

Jisung reaches his hand to brush the freckles that cover Felix’s cheeks. “I might sound crazy,” He laughs, hands kee caressing his younger twin’s smiling face in the picture. “But I can feel the difference between his freckles in this picture and in real life. Is that weird?” He picks up the frame. “ I’ve always admired and envy him for his freckles and he’d always lay down on my lap and tell me stories while I ran my fingers through them, until I could almost tell the difference between his freckled skin and his normal one.”

Jisung hugs the frame closer to his chest, voice shaking slightly. “I miss Lixie so much and I know you miss Chan hyung too, but we can’t do this to them, you know?” 

“Yeah, Felix has always hated the spotlight.”

Jisung just smiles, “Yeah, that too.”

Minho chooses not to question what he meant by it.

******

( _Sweat trickled down Minho’s temple as he watched Jisung and Felix wept at each other’s arms, Chan holding back tears beside him as he gripped Minho’s hand in his. Minho didn’t want to let go of the older boy’s hand, feeling that he'd let Chan himself go if he did. But Chan’s decision is clear and he is nothing but stubborn._

_“Did you tell him?” Minho whispered. And Chan let out a shuddering breath, whispering back a “yeah”._

_Minho watched as Jisung pressed his and Felix’s foreheads together, muttering something that made Felix look at Minho. Minho remembers being confused as he watched Felix’s look at him in disbelief, and suddenly acceptance._

_Minho fears for both of Chan and Felix’s lives, the voices in both of their heads always echoing through the night, and it’s never been louder than it ever was until tonight._

**‘It’s either them or all four of you.’**

_Chan pulled him into a hug and Minho let out the tears he had been holding back, hugging Chan as if it was the last time and at that moment, it seemed like it was. Chan’s hugs are the best. It’s what helped him through sleeping in the streets when they were twelve, through tuning out the sound of guns around them when they first got into shit they shouldn’t have, and through the murders of their friends on the job._

_“I’m sorry, Min.” Chan mumbled on top of Minho’s hair where he placed a kiss. “I just can’t do this to Felix. ”_

_Minho nodded. “Be careful, okay? Take care of Felix. Don’t trust anyone easily.”_

_“You too. If you change your mind,” Chan smiled at him. “You know where you can find us, yeah?”_

_“Yeah.” Minho hugged him again. “Thank you for all these years, hyung. I love you.”_

_It was around this time of night a year ago when Minho first saw the light on Jisung’s eyes dimmed as they watched Hyunjin take off with the carriage with Chan and Felix inside them, disappearing into the night and out of this mess._ )

******

**23:57**

The sound of piano from the ballroom starts playing and Jisung quickly pulls Minho in the middle of the dark hallway, guiding Minho’s hands to his waist before putting his own on Minho’s shoulder.

“Han Jisung, what are you doing?” Minho asks, but obligingly begins leading the dance.

“That’s Prince Han Jisung to you!” Jisung sticks out his tongue and Minho laughs, muttering a, “Yeah, that’s prince behavior, alright.”

“Hush. You’re my servant, remember?” Jisung reminds him, twirling under Minho’s arm before placing his hands back to his shoulders. 

“May I remind you, I’m also your lover?” Minho meant to tease, but his heart almost leaps out of his chest as Jisung just smiles at him fondly, staring at him as if he hung the moon that was dancing across their skin.

“I know.” Jisung leans on his tiptoe to peck his lips. “I’ll never forget it.”

Jisung smiles again, albeit pain is written on his face, and Minho’s heart jumps in his chest.

His colleagues have warned him about what he’s getting into when he first got dragged into this job and he knows first hand what it’s like to lose someone he cares about, with the amount of colleagues- _friends_ that he’d seen die when a mission went wrong. Minho doesn’t wear his heart in his sleeves, but he practically has it in his hands when he starts caring, making the damage done to it more unbearable with each splash of blood he witnesses. Minho hates caring too much, but he knows he can’t leave his job. It's the wrong place at the wrong time sort of thing, like Jisung said, when both Minho and Chan were both too young on the streets, getting involved in things they shouldn’t have that lead them into choosing whether to accept this kind of job or to give up their lives. So he has no choice but to pay the price of he’s consequences.

It’s bad. Falling for Jisung. Because it’s making him regret every shit he did, making the walls he built around his heart crumble down until they’re nothing but dust. He has always hated the feeling of second guessing, because it means he’s starting to care. But with Jisung’s smile, he knows he was done for. 

And so he made his decision.

**00:00**

The lights all around the castle went off and Minho braces himself for what’s about to come. The murmurs of the people from the other room can be heard before a loud gunshot echoed through the palace walls, piercing the atmosphere with nothing but silence. 

Midnight hits and the piano was quickly replaced by the sounds of gunshots and wails.

Five years on this job and Minho’s still not used to the gunshots, let alone the piercing screams. Jisung pecks him again before alarmingly calmly leading him into another room just at the end of the hall, a room where Minho hasn't been in before.

“This was my mom’s room.” Jisung explains, as if he can read Minho’s thoughts. “Where she passed.”

Minho watches as Jisung steps toward him.

And Minho knows _he_ knows.

_Screams_

_More gunshots_

Jisung places his hand back on Minho’s shoulder as he once again guides the older’s hand on his waist. And Minho indulges him. Jisung hums an unknown tune as Minho resumes to guide them through their unfinished waltz.

_A woman screams before getting cut off by another gunshot_

Jisung leans his head to Minho’s chest. Jisung hugs him by the waist, hands slowly inching to the dagger hidden in the pocket of Minho’s suit before tapping it, a silent indication.

“J-Ji,” Minho chokes up on his words, tears starting to flow down his face. “I..I-I’m so-”

Jisung shushes him with his lips. “Never apologize for something you have no control of.”

“Sungie, we- we can still escape-“ Minho rushes out. 

“I don’t want more danger for Felix and Chan hyung, Min.” Jisung says, voice clear against the sound of _guns_ and _screams_ and _glasses breaking_ and the sound of the guards trying to protect what was left of the castle outside.

“No. No, no-”

“Hyung,” Jisung whispers, cupping Minho’s crying face in his hands. “There’s no other way I’d rather die than dying by your hands.”

The harsh reality was brought back on Minho with Jisung’s words. More tears falling on both of their faces now and the saltiness of their tears making its way to their lips as they kiss once again, making most of what’s left on their time.

Jisung snatches the dagger in Minho's pocket before placing it on Minho’s shaking hand. Jisung guides them to the bed, making Minho sit on it before sitting on top of Minho’s lap sideways, head curling to rest on his hyung’s chest.

Jisung rubs his head against Minho’s chin, kissing the column of his neck. “Hyungie, promise me that you’ll protect Felix?” Jisung asks quietly. Minho nods. It’s not a confirmation, but Jisung doesn’t seem to mind.

Jisung trails the dagger with his fingers and hums, “You know I always thought of you as a dagger.”

There was a loud _bang_ outside and a blood curdling scream. 

Minho pushes Jisung closer to him, as if any more closer and maybe he and Jisung can become one, like they always have been. “Rea..” He swallows the lump on his throat. “Really?”

“Yeah.” Jisung smiles. “The daggers always protect the roses. Even if the daggers sometimes accidentally hurt the roses, they’ll never let other things hurt their precious roses.”

Minho holds up the dagger above their head, more tears falling as he sniffles against Jisung’s head. Hands shaking, he mentally counts down.

“Hyungie?” Jisung whispers and looks up at him, flinching when a particularly loud cry from outside echoes through the wall. He softly headbutts Minho’s chin to look down at him.

He smiles his last smile. “Thank you for the _forever_ you gave in a numbered days. Thank you for our little infinity. Never forget my love for you.”

Minho brings his face closer to Jisung, kissing every inch of his face; his forehead, both of his eyelids, the tip of his nose, his round cheeks, the corners of his mouth. He squeezes Jisung’s body to his. “I’ll always love you more, Han Jisung. We’ll have more little infinities for ourselves once we meet again. Wait for me, okay?”

Jisung smiles and nods, cupping the older boy’s face and reaching up to kiss him for the last time.

**_Look at you go, I just adore you_ **

**_I wish that I knew_ **

Minho inhales the gasp that left Jisung’s lips as he plunges the dagger into the younger’s chest just right above his heart. Jisung’s hand on his shirt starts loosening and Minho catches it just in time before it falls. Pressing the same kiss he always does on his open palm, stupidly waiting for the giggles that follows right after.

There’s a commotion outside. The sound of his boss ordering the others to look for him and Chan. And he knows he can’t escape. Not if he wants to give away Chan and Felix’s location.

Minho owes Chan everything, he’s not gonna forgive himself if something happens to Felix. And he promised Jisung he’d protect Felix.

He’d rather die than bring any more harm.

He kisses Jisung’s head again as the footsteps get louder.

And he kept on holding him. Holded him until the room door busted open. There’s a peaceful little smile on Jisung’s face and he presses their forehead together, not a single fear present in his body when the gun was pointed at his head for the second time of his life, because this time, he’s already sure of what he wants.

He wants to be with Jisung again. 

**_What makes you think I’m so special?_ **

**Author's Note:**

> holy fuck this was shitty but i still cried oops the last line was so cliche bye  
> i have like one chanlix mcd im working on rn and a breakup chanlix fic can u tell im not okay?


End file.
